she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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