I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
