i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
