Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
