Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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