Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You've changed since you got that strap on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
