i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
