I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
