My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
