My Higher Power is John Stamos
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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