She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
