I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
