Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
