Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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