Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
