my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
