our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
