Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
