come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
