whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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