Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
