I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
