i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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