Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
