I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
