this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize