I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to make a zoo with you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
