Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
