this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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