I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
