Im at strip club and am horny
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
