Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
