Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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