he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
