I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
