The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
