my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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