Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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