I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
