u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
