I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
