I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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