i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
