I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
