i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
