She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
