i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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