tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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