just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize