i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
