Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
