i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
