Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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