i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
