Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
