so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
