I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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