My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
