Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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