Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
