her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
