the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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