I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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