i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize