I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
