I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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