You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
