Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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